Leyli Salayeva

to my daughter

Dilber

 

Twelve Thirteen

Leyli Salayeva

• 2014 •

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Leyli Salayeva (b. 1985) was born in Baku to a family of a musician and a filmmaker. She wrote her first poem at the age of ten, impressed by the situations that her hometown was facing due to heavy snowfall. Her emotions found an outlet in words. For the obscure poet, that was the first step of a long journey. Throughout the years, she carried on using poems as a medium for expressing her beliefs and sharing emotional world around her, trying to find answers and achieve harmony with the universe. Becoming a mother was one of the most significant steps in her life, bringing new metamorphoses. Nowadays, with all the continuous evolutions in technology, life starts running faster. We forget about our feelings, building a fortress around our soul and putting on life-saving masks. This small collection of poems is a poet’s call to take the opportunity for self-reflection. Because there is someone’s soul in every row…

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“We are always in the space in-between... all the spaces

where you are not actually at home. You haven’t arrived

We are alert, we are sensitive, and destiny can happen.

We do not have any barriers and we are vulnerable.

Vulnerability is important. It means we are completely

alive and this is an extremely important space. This is

for me the space from which my work generates.” –

Marina Abramovic

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Do you want to be my inspiration?

Do you want to be my shining star?

To discover millions shades of passion

Drive faster cars.

Do you want to be enlightened?

And be entangled in a wheel of love.

Do you want to be guided?

And see the true colors of the rainbow.

Do you want to set up limits?

And go beyond them to nowhere.

To reborn in a skin that fits,

Instead of spitting out “I don’t care”.

Are you ready to close your eyes?

And step into nothingness.

Feel your body and soul aligned,

Away from a self-destructive mess.

If you say yes to every question mark,

And are not afraid of seeing the world dark.

Before it turns into a beautiful day

Allow me to be your spiritual navigator

Just give me your hand.

Do you?

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We can be part of something important,

We can build bridges and tear them down,

We can be anything that is abundant,

Yet we are special, one of a kind.

We can turn numbers into actions,

We can set targets, but reach nothing at all,

We can drive ourselves to distraction,

But build an amusement park for the body, not soul.

We can take shortcuts in every decision,

Biting our nails and lips afterwards.

We can buy clothes for every season,

And yet leave a message with multiple dots.

We can be everything.

We can be nothing.

We chose the option,

But design is default.

We may assume that the world spins around us,

Yet its reflection of the image we draw.

Images we draw

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Under the sky, we shared the images

We created on our own.

Under the sky where there were only stars

We felt like we were in heaven.

And the gentle breeze of that special night

Took us back to the days,

When we were playing as kids,

But our age was far beyond.

And you were screaming and laughing

From the excitement of getting soaked

In the spring rain that unexpectedly caught us up.

Do you still remember those days?

Do you lie under the sky?

The stars that were winking at us from above

Are they still there waiting for us?

I’m trying to go back to the beginning,

And revise my life path.

But it is a hard mission to accomplish,

When you’ve got so much to cherish.

I feel a bit nervous when I cannot reach

The state of self-acceptance.

Denial is the worst friend,

That goes hand in hand with an imbalance

And when I see myself in the mirror,

I understand that there is another me.

Living in my head and never coming up.

Under the sky

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But when I was lying under the sky

Nothing really mattered. I flew

To the farthest lands where

There were no forms or shapes,

Only transformable frames.

And you could change them every day.

Under the sky, we all are the same…

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When I die-

She said to me once.

And my soul will be flying high

Know that I’m not dead, but in a trance.

The journey called the “way back home”.

My body won’t exist anymore,

But my consciousness will dictate.

There will be no more sore,

Just sound and light will vibrate.

But as I live-

She said to me again.

I choose to believe,

That there is another way

To continue carrying out an existence

Called life.

Before we change our shapes and transform,

There is a lot to perform.

For every day welcomed by the body,

Should be met with good will.

Just breathe, eat and feel.

Always cheerful, never moody,

Be good to yourself and your neighbor,

Because we all meet in the final harbor.

Beliefs

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What are the strongest sides of you,

That may emerge in the course of your life?

What are the cornerstones that do

Keep your personality rife?

Are you trying to be someone different?

And play new role every other day?

Are you aimed against the current?

Or you have something else to say?

Do you believe in rainbows?

That color up your soul.

And that the butterflies

Can play an important role?

What do you see?

When you dream at night?

Do you think or feel,

When your imagination takes flight?

Can you keep up a friendship?

And carry on the same wave.

Against all odds like a ship,

Cleaving through the space.

Yet I know one thing.

I’m sure and have no doubt,

That you want to sing,

When you are in alignment with what you want.

And nothing in the whole world,

Is more important than your own soul.

So many…

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Running on the wheels

On the never ending track.

Do you know how it feels

To be the last in the stack?

Standing on the bridge

Between two separate parts.

And fighting up to the last ditch,

To stay still and not to dart.

Playing a well-known part

And imitating a role model.

Erase everything for a start.

Sounds easy, but not that doddle.

Crying silently deep inside

And shedding tears away from a crowd.

Thinking about those who were born and die.

Bringing oneself to certainties and throwing into doubts.

Changing subjects and creating hazards,

To taste life as a new sensation.

Acting like the blind in the blizzard,

Not being able to resist temptation.

Till the end

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Ignoring ups and downs

And keep on moving in the direction.

Through dusks to dawns.

To finally reach the destination.

Where the moon is a sun.

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I opened my eyes

The air was stiff and I couldn’t take a breath,

As if someone pressed on my lungs.

I could feel the cool touch of death.

But then I saw the light.

It was battling through thick materials

That were lying all around.

I thought to myself “this is the end”

Until a little hope took my hand,

And I decided to get up.

Part of me was damaged,

But I looked for an advantage.

Light guided me through

And I came out anew,

With a mended mind and heart sewn.

Only those small stitches still remind me of those days.

Who said there is a life that has no past?

I wish I could walk along a straight line

Rather than running in circles that never last.

But these circles are also lines that were straight once.

So what we get in the end?

The past is always here and it’s up to us

Whether we want to return to it or go forward.

Up and forward

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What if there is another me

Staring from another parallel

Me who is absolutely free

Having no brain to control.

And that very me will be living

Without thinking about the present, past or future

Me measuring everything by feelings

Without fear to rise or fall.

Will that me be less happy

By not knowing how to realize it

With no desire to snap it

No images, words, zero.

Sometimes I doubt

For what I’m fighting

Is that why I’m living

But time is running

Wasted me.

In parallel

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Listen to your heart-

Is whispered gently all over the world.

It is like an empty cart,

Thoroughly capturing every word.

Look out for signs

They will guide you to the truth.

Don’t ignore warning ones.

It’s not you, it’s them who choose.

Open up your mind,

And expand your vision boundless.

Out of heart, out of sight

Unjustified silliness.

Find that special place of yours

Where you can be at ease with self

Erase your function – gross

You are not pelf.

Demand for the best,

If you feel you deserve it.

Don’t look out for the rest.

They got what they wanted.

Human being

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Look closely at your neighbor.

There is another soul who is always near.

And it is all here to savor

Of this life, not only see but also feel.

Keep on digging,

And you will be enlightened.

Life bears no cheating,

Take it for granted.

Human being.

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This can be life-threatening action

Checking on someone you barely know.

Care should be taken of your expectation

No one wants to be forsaken at a blow.

Hunting and chasing is quite entertaining

A soul that is striving to be attached to a soul.

Big bubble blasts and energy starts flowing

Getting intense and turning into a fireball.

All of the steps that we take with precaution

Are making us weaker, we fear to fall.

Pause and give a chance for your emotion

It’s the feeling that casts us in a different mould.

Infatuated

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I can be your Marina Abramovic.

I can be your Dr. Flynn.

I can show what this world is made of.

I can share the pleasure that is keen.

I can turn the mirrors to face each other

And absorb the energy to create a hole.

You might say, I don’t want or I’d rather

But if you give away, then give the whole.

I can write a lot of words, you know that.

Poems are my way to show my world.

But if you look straight into my eyes in silence,

Everything will immediately unfold.

Revelation

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You are hiding again

Because something went wrong.

And when you tried to explain

You couldn’t find the words over the phone.

You stopped sending text messages

That made you feel uncomfortable.

The relationship was reaching final pages

Of the book that was incompatible.

And now that you try to go back

And forget all the moments spent together.

You cannot ignore the fact

That nothing in this world lasts forever.

You want to keep emotions low.

They were bursting out loud once.

You don’t want to look like a clown,

You want to live them and let them pass.

I know why you are sad these days

I’ve been through this many times.

You are looking for a special place

You are hiding again

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Where you can sit and rhyme.

But the sun and the moon are on eternal rotation

And you have to revolve with them.

You may search for connotation

Of this life, but you cannot blame.

You were born this way

And you act this way

And there is nothing

That can change you in any other way.

Calm and tamed,

Contented and patient,

Burst into flames,

And gone with the silence…

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Your heart is soft,

Your will is strong,

You are ok to be alone.

But when the day turns into night

You want someone to hold you tight.

You are a lady, skirts and heels

With boyish nature, shirts and jeans.

But when you smile, when you are shy

Your hidden features come alive.

You are a rainbow, you are the spectrum.

Infinite number, this world’s centrum.

Unique and special is your soul.

But you are human after all.

She

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Sometimes words are useless,

Sometimes they make one restless,

But things can be fixed,

If feelings are correctly expressed.

Sometimes words are confusing,

Sometimes we jump into conclusions,

But meaning that is true

Has nothing to do with our point of view.

Words, letters, symbols

We want them, read them, and feel them

But what we forget at all

Is that behind them is somebody’s soul.

What about words?

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If only souls could embrace each other,

Then I would choose yours to hug.

If only souls could embrace each other,

The whole world would hang out a white flag.

If only eyes could speak for souls,

Not hiding them by looking aside.

I would bow low before those,

Who will not be afraid to be enlightened.

But alas, we are scared.

We all run from each other

And we gradually get impaired.

But the worst is that we don’t bother…

Scared souls

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On the edge of the feelings

Led by undisclosed desires

I’m blind and deaf by numbness

Looking out for more options and possibilities

To be sublime.

Screaming at my highest tone

Trying to awake every oblivious soul

I’m calling out nature

To take care of its creature

To stay alive.

Checking in and out

Moving sporadically

I catch up the rays of the sun

Attaching them hectically

To purify.

Sliding down the hill

I don’t belong there

Shallow valleys offer vast spaces

To feel like home.

And now I pull out all my weapons

And burn that closet with suffers

Destroying my personality

And breaking old moulds

I reborn.

I reborn

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Have you defined boundaries of your personality?

Do you know where you end and begin?

Is it possible to live without set standards of humanity?

Starting every day without plans, on a free float?

Can you stop asking so many questions?

And stare into empty space.

You may think that it is impossible,

But it all starts with a pace.

Life without question marks,

Only commas and dots.

Surrounded with small fishes, and no sharks

Filling up with bullshit all vacant slots.

I try to put my brain at ease

And I know someday I will stop thinking

But before I hang on every chance

To be myself, as long as I’m living.

And I don’t want to teach you what to do

Or how to perceive this life of yours.

You can write your own book

Depicting troubles of the souls.

***

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Can you define your boundaries?

And stick to the morale

That you have created once

And now you apply to all.

I feel these days more than others

And that’s why they are so special for me.

At the end of the day we all are sisters and brothers,

With or without these bogus frames and shapes.

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You are a rebel inside

Throwing all truth right in the face

Having absolutely no time

To balance between struggle and peace.

You are a rebel inside

Looking for adventures

Taking frequent flights

Marking your landmarks.

You are playing your part

Running fast to catch your kite

But you know that in the end

You will be worthy to be praised.

You are a hunter inside

Looking for the ways to spice up your life

And nothing can stop you

When the sharp edge is near you.

You are an observer

Analyzing every step others take

But when you sleep at night

You are just like any other.

You!

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You are a dreamer sometimes

Scared of your own desires

You cannot imagine that one

Can make them true once.

You are a stable one

But you can flip the sides in the blink of an eye

And no one will see you cry

Unless the images start to wipe.

You are timid

Shielding yourself with the scarves

Knowing your own limits

But affected by emotional waves.

You are continuing list of sides

You are aiming to discover

And to improve other’s lives

You’ve got the power.

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If I could save the world that *brennt

If I could broken things amend

If I could see the truth ahead

Instead of searching for it, while I’m awake

If I could sleep with mind at rest

And not clutching at the thoughts that nest

If I could run the road up till

I make with God a perfect deal

If I could help the souls I feel

To purify for good and sing

If I could turn the night to day

When people think there is no way

If I could be at peace with self

Set spirit free floating by myself

If I could be another one

No mould to fit in, just a man.

If I could be and do what I want

Who knows what might happen in the world.

If

*brennt – from German verb brennen – to burn

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I am a kiddo, I am a weirdo

I am and there is no one.

I am potential and I am substantial

I am and this is it.

I am defeated, I’m completed

I am the best played part.

I am confusing, I’m refusing

I am connecting light.

I am by name, I am by the login

I am by number one.

I am eternal of external

I am just naked soul.

I am a socket of one’s pocket

I am not just human one.

I am these letters

These three letters

In fact, there is no I am.

***

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